Mom guilt… It’s a real thing. Daily there is something that I could possibly be guilty about. I didn’t get all the laundry done because I was busy playing with the kids. I didn’t spend enough time with the kids because I was cleaning. I’m not strict enough. I’m too strict. I let the kids have candy. I wouldn’t let them have candy. I didn’t try harder at breastfeeding. I formula fed both kids. I’m not a stay at home mom. That last one right there… that’s the hardest one for me and after 4 years, it has not gotten any easier.
Before having children, I truly enjoyed going to work every day. I have always been a very social person and have created a ton of friendships through people that started as co-workers. I assumed that once I had a baby, things would just go back to normal and back to work I would go. Friends of mine told me that once I had Madison, back to work is not where I would want to go and how hard it would be. Boy was she right though… giving up time with your little ones to go to a job, so your family can have health insurance, literally makes me cringe.
If anyone asked me about my workplace, I would say that I love it, I have truly awesome co-workers but if it was up to me… I would be home with the kids. My husband’s work has crappy insurance because it’s a small business and because I work at a hospital, my insurance plan that I have for myself and the kids is fantastic. Parents should not have to work and be away from their little ones that need them when they are so young, to be able to provide health insurance. I mean that sounds crazy doesn’t it?
We are told here in the United States that we have to go back to work 6-12 weeks after you deliver your brand new baby, drop them off at daycare and head right back into the workplace. And most families these days have to live on two incomes, so staying home for families in this day and age is not an option. Talk about unfair.
The guilt of spending 45 minutes with the kids in the morning and then an hour and a half with them at night, which usually consists of dinner time and baths… is heartbreaking. Weekends I soak in as much time with them as I can, and they of course, go by way too fast.
So here’s the deal. I am counting down the days till maybe something will change, and I am able to spend much more time with them What I have learned is that whether things are going exactly as I’d wish they were, or if I cry at night because I wish things were going differently, I am going to cherish the moments that I have now. I will hold them each a little longer, let them stay up a little later and go on all the adventures with them. I will make all of our moment’s together count, and not rush the days. I will always remember how thankful I am to be their mom and remind myself that I am doing the best I can, for them.
Because honestly… while I sit and worry about if I am doing things right or not, my littles ones do not know any different. They are happy, loved and in good hands while mom & dad are working. Things cannot change overnight, but they can change if you want them to.